Inspirations
The sound of a trumpet, a blue blotch, a photo from a magazine, remnants of paint on the palette, crooked teeth in Bruce Gilden's photo, stupid self-improvement guides. Accidental events, insignificant facts of everyday life, anger, my partner's scream. Unintelligible chaos within me and around me. Today I listen to jazz, classical music tomorrow, electronics. Everything is a sum of influences, penetration.
I am constantly torn between different ideas. I cannot restrain the creative process. I am inspired by everything from Renaissance masters to writings on walls. I cannot keep up with my own head and the insatiable appetite for painting. I am interested in psychology, the emotions dormant within humans. I like challenges, testing myself in various techniques. Pastel, watercolor, or oil paints, it all depends on the subject of the painting.
5.05. 2023
About the painting process.
Zastanawiam si? czy i?? za swoj? intuicj?, przeczuciem czy trzyma? si? za?o?e? danego projektu. Jestem ci?gle rozdarta. Czy dzie?o powinno nas prowadzi?, czy my powinni?my nad nim panowa?. Jak powinnam kontynuowa? seri? „Portret w krzywym zwierciadle”? Moim zamiarem by?o namalowanie serii do?? klasycznych, „g?adko” malowanych portretów. Po ostatniej podró?y do Wenecji i retrospektywie Marlen? Dumas zafascynowa?a mnie niedoskona?o??, szkicowo?? formy, zacieki, szorstko?? p?ótna i lawowanie.
9.05.2023
Work on the portrait in a funhouse mirror XIX.
It's 3:00 PM, I take a sip of Coke Zero. Today is Anna Krzanowska's user station. It usually takes me a long time to decide on some music; actually, I am unpredictable in this. I started working at 11:00, and I've been struggling for 3 hours and haven't painted anything. Sometimes, such suspension lasts even a week. I am in the process but lack the courage to take the first step, to make a decision. Generally, I can hardly do anything from time to time.
28.05.2023
How do you make the past?
Will someone come like Him, who will have compassion for her paralyzed limbs, pale face, and stopped heart, saying: 'Get up, and the past will slowly return its breath, blood will flow under its waxy skin, its limbs will move, its ears will unclog, and its eyes will open?
While we will be waiting for him, various false prophets, tempters, mad doctors will conduct experiments on her body, and each time they will create a Frankenstein's monster. Can the past be revived and reassembled? And should it?
And furthermore: how much of the past can a person really bear?
'Shelter of Antagonists,' G. Gospodinow, p. 60
4.07.2023
Sometimes, the drawing seems too 'pretty,' too 'grateful,' it just annoys me. It happens that I work on it, fighting dissatisfaction, almost destroying the work. I apply additional layers to save at least a fragment and thus strive for the destruction of the painting.
5.07.2023
'Almost everyone possesses only a handful of random facts, yet they combine them as they please.'
'The Great Circle,' Maggie Shipstead
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